It's very easy to fall down south of the "I can't do this" wind mill, am I right? I've been there too many times, and I'm guessing because you chose to read this post that's where you're at too. The reality is, we keep putting ourselves down that it ultimately holds us back from the very things we want to achieve; whether it's getting fit, starting up our own business from the ground up, or heck even mastering a skill you always wanted to acquire like cooking your own meals.
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Our own mindsets become the very obstacle that stands in our way between where we are now and the successes we want to attain. We need to break that catalyst by re-shifting our mentality and reallocating our thoughts into more positive thinking frames.
So why is it that we keep telling ourselves that we're not capable? we're not worthy? we will never make it? The answer is really simple. Because we associate personal validation from other people. Our love and appreciation towards both ourselves and the works we produce is conditional! We only feel "accepted" or "successful" if others perceive you that way or if people purchase your products and services. If those things don't hold up then it automatically creates a loop of us lacking our self worth.
Fear becomes a controlling factor in our lives and limits how much we can do.
I'm scared of putting myself out there and getting rejected. I'm scared that I'm not as good as other creative makers out there. I'm scared that people won't like my work. The list is endless and we keep shadowing ourself in this web of doubts that hinders our capabilities all together.
So I want you to really make an effort to overcome the following mindsets, because these very mindsets are the things that are completely holding you back...
1) LIVING IN SELF DOUBT
We sort of brushed on that earlier but self doubt is SUCH a strong and powerful monster that will completely consume you and prevent you from actually being the success you want to be. You know all those cheesy motivational posters of that cat hanging from a rope saying " hang in there baby!" - there's nothing more I hate than those cliches but I hate to say it, it's SO ON POINT.
If we don't love ourselves unconditionally and not have that reliant on whether we succeed or not, it will automatically transpire in the way we hold ourselves and actually reel in more people in our business...
I have lived in my own shadow for far too long. The lack of clients and inability to get my calendar full directly correlated to my self esteem. I was only approving of myself when a client booked me. I only felt a level of self worth when someone else validated me. Frankly speaking, that's a horrible way to live.
So when I shifted my perspective and truly loved myself, a way her mother loves her own child, it has elevated me completely and gave me such a strong drive to keep going; making videos, writing blog posts, creating freebies, etc.
How did I do it?
I devoted SO MUCH TIME in educating myself about self love. Because I had initially bombarded myself with feelings of self doubt, I did the extreme opposite and encompassed myself with messages of self love and worth. So that meant, watching a bunch of YouTube videos that covered topics like this (my personal favorite is Charisma on Command who I've adopted tips from and reused it in this blog here), listening to Podcasts, watching TedTalks and cracked an article or two about it. This really showed me that I just gotta keep at it and stop relating other people's approval of me to equate to how much I approved myself.
2) BLAMING THE CIRCUMSTANCES
Up until very recently I was largely guilty of this. Initially from Egypt, getting clients for henna was no difficult task - and the weather there is summer-like 9 months of the year. So it was easy for me to land clients, other than the fact that I already had a vast network being raised there most of my life.
When I moved to Toronto it was so difficult to accept the country into my heart simply because I had no clients at all. I blamed it on the fact that it's just so cold and who would really want henna if they're in coats and gloves? And while that's true, I just couldn't understand how other artists can get their calendar booked solid. I kept resisting more and more, scapegoating the fact that I wasn't raised there and therefore did not have a network like other more established artists did.
So rather than taking a hard look at myself, I was quick to blame the circumstances I was in rather than actually adapting to it.
How did I overcome this?
I evaluated what the problems at hand were and looked at how I can resolve it. During the cold winters of the Great White North, I'd often fill in my free time baking. And because generally no matter how successful of an artist you are, winter will still be more of an off season than others. So I know that the reoccurring down time year after year is just not sustainable enough for me. That's when I decided to combine my love of baking with henna which allowed me to create henna themed desserts, and desserts are generally in demand all year round. I figured this is a way to out balance the slow season by focusing on the desserts I offer. I also created a line of glam tattoos that I thought would be great amazing gifts for the holiday season too.
Another circumstance I was quick to blame was my lack of network and the fact that I didn't know anyone. But instead of being a cry baby about it, I decided I had to do something about it. And so I joined a bunch of facebook groups that are related to my topics of interest or even similar professional background and that allowed me to build a new network from the ground up. If anything, I decided to create a facebook group of my own that shows creative minded people how we can be profitable by pursuing our passions. That way, I'm surrounding myself with people who will actually help me grow rather than surrendering in a new country where I literally knew only a handful of people.
3) I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF
I know how hard and challenging it is to let go. Your project, your business, your baby. I mean, I'm not a mother myself, but dang now I know how my mama felt when she was saying goodbye to me at the airport before I started my life abroad.
Cutting the chord is difficult, I mean no one will do even half good a job as you because no one will care like you do. Amirite? You want things done in a certain way and you just feel like you'll lose all control if you delegate something to someone else. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be that way. If you really want to fast track your business growth and boost your productivity, you're just gonna have to outsource it.
You just really need to evaluate what it is that you don't have to be consuming your time in and hand it off.
So for example, what I fully plan on doing in the future is outsource my YouTube subtitle caption editing to someone I can fully rely on. While YouTube has this amazing feature of automatically captioning the video on its own, there still needs to be an actual person to make sure the subtitles are correct and that the timing isn't off - that what's visible on the screen is fully synchronized with what I'm saying. I'm spending too much time on this after I've finished writing my YouTube video script, editing, creating the thumbnails and corresponding all the links in the right places, that creating those captions is just too time consuming. It's something I can easily hand off and not be too worried that it's not being done right. RIGHT? :)
How did I overcome this?
Because I'm not at a stage of being ready to hire a team just yet, I've outsourced other aspects of my life in my day to day chores. I realized it took me a lot of time to go grocery shopping, cook and clean the dishes after. While I enjoy cooking, it just becomes so mundane doing it on a daily basis. So instead, I joined one of those meal programs that are delivered right to your door step every week. It cost a small fraction more, but the time it saves me to focus on bigger things makes it all the while worth it.
4) IT WILL GET DONE EVENTUALLY
You have to be honest with yourself on this one. How many times did you intentionally put off something easing yourself with the comfortable lie that "you're eventually gonna get around to it"? Tonnes, right? I was like that too.
Can you imagine it took me 3 whole years to actually be serious about my YouTube channel? I'm not kidding. That's years of growth I've slowed down and 3 years worth of views I could have generated. Was it worth it? Definitely not.
Every single day you put off something is a day you lose in making yourself grow or even delaying yourself from a making a mistake you could have learned from and benefited you in a much more impactful way now.
I know I could have come a much longer way now if I had just done what I intended to do at the time I intended to do it. So why is it so easy to procrastinate? It's because it feeds an instant gratification. It gives you comfort NOW. But working, hitting the gym, or whatever it is, will give you a much more delayed gratification - and if anything, to you it seems like forever. But growth happens slowly. You can't expect your 2 year old to wake up tomorrow in the body of a 20 year old, correct? Success and transformations are the same way, they don't happen overnight. Just because you don't see the instant gratification factor now doesn't mean it's not getting there.
How did I overcome this?
I gave myself an instant gratification that will be served now that will be rewarded to me upon the completion of a task. So for example, I would ONLY be allowed to hang out with my friends if I completed the scripting, shooting and editing of a video. That 'reward' motivates me to actually perform the task at hand.
Another tactic is to make myself realize what the actual delayed gratification is going to be. For instance, creating YouTube videos will ultimately make me more impactful in the message I'm trying to send, or even land me interviews with much bigger players and entrepreneurs. When I play that little fantasy in my head, it gives me a bigger drive to move myself to deliver.
And that's that you wonderful human being. You gotta really hold back these 4 mindsets before it holds YOU back...
Stop giving in to the self doubt because it's truly an evil monster that will come in your own way.
Stop blaming the circumstances but rather see how you can actively adapt to it.
Stop limiting yourself by doing everything on your own. Seek ways in which you can outsource your work.
Stop procrastinating because it will significantly decrease the speed of the success you can achieve.